


I Won't Let You Go

by HisagiJ69



Category: Incarceron Series - Catherine Fisher
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 03:21:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3594429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HisagiJ69/pseuds/HisagiJ69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared understands for the first time his true feelings for Claudia. Therefore he realizes those are wrong and decides to leave for her sake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Let You Go

**Author's Note:**

> JaredXClaudia all the waaay <3 I love this couple as I love this series and this little scene came to my mind so I wrote it :P Hope you guys enjoy ^_^

_If there’s love just feel it,_

_If there’s life we’ll see it,_

_This is no time to be alone._

_I won’t let you go._

 

“Master!”

The voice echoed in Jared’s ears and made him stop walking, standing moveless on the vast meadow, his heart bumping weakly in his chest, the small suitcase in his hand. He didn’t look back. As the sun shined above him, he wasn’t able to look back. He forced himself to start walking again, more determined this time, legs sore as his feet hit the smooth grass.

“Master! Wait!”

He heard her close. Too close. His head throbbed and he felt his chest tightened, a vivid and yet soothing pain than infected his whole body like a vírus. And he knew for sure that, this one time, it had nothing to do with his illness. He stopped again, knowing she was too close to keep ignoring her. So, taking a deep breath into sore lungs, thinking maybe the gesture wouldmake things easier, he put on the best smile he could and turned around to face Claudia.

The girl had stopped about two meters away from her tutor, gasping for air, and yet keeping her straight and dauntless pose, holding up the skirts of her way too long dress in order to walk properly, showing the trousers she usually wore hidden. Her face was red and her expression was obviously disturbed, worried, even afraid, although she tried her best not to show it. The distance she kept between them was a sign of wariness, of measured and unpredictible dread. For a sole moment, only the sound of the wind blowing was heard, filling the space between them, as if reminding both the girl and the man that they were too far away from each other. In more than one way.

Jared found his voice to speak, but it sounded much weaker than he had planned. “Good morning, Claudia.”

She didn’t smile neither saluted him back. The fierce in her eyes was steel when she spoke. “What is this supposed to mean, Master? Were are you going?”

Jared hesitated, but answered as calmly as he could. “I decided to visit the old Acadamy, Claudia. The elder Sapienti sent a letter the other day. They are wishing to meet me. I decided it would be a great opportunity to relive memories, get to meet some aquaintances and, who knows, research a bit abou-”

“You didn’t tell me.” She interrupted, coldly. “You didn’t tell me a thing about a letter.”

“I-I may have forgotten. I am so very sorry, I have been busy, so-”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“I…” He closed his eyes in an effort to keep the smile on his face. “I was thinking of sending you a letter the moment I arrived.”

“You are lying.” She accused, boldly.

Jared gulped, feeling his throat dry and rought to the point that his own saliva seemed toxic. “I…I did n-”

“Are you running away?”

His look turned suddenly tired. “Claudia, I-”

“You are running away, aren’t you?” Her voice seemed louder and unsure, characteristics that she was obviously not planning to show. But she was with only Jared and, as it often happened when they were alone, she could not hide her true sadness and anger that were now mixed to a painful point in her chest. “Running away… from me.”

Jared felt the words as sharp knives piercing his skin. In part because of her hurt tone. There were not a lot of things Jared hated in this world, neither there were a lot of things he couldn’t bear. But if there was something like that, it was certainly listening that hurt tone. He could not bear the fact of knowing he was the cause of the sadness in her voice. Because he knew he was, as what she said was the pure truth.

His smile had completly disapeared, turned into a saturnine grimmace. “Claudia… I… I decided to take some time to be by myself. But please, do not blame yourself for any of it.” He forced, once again, his lips to curve upwards. “It’s just for some days, maybe some weeks. I’ll come back as soon as I-”

“I’m sorry.” Claudia mumbled. A mumble so low Jared thought he had imagined it, for a moment.

“What? No, Claudia, y-”

When she looked up, any traces of weekness were completly gone. She had again that cold and ascertain face, fists clenched around the fabric of her dress. “It was all because I… I’m sorry, Master. I didn’t mean to offend you, I didn’t mean to hurt you in any kind of way!”

She was shouting now, eyes shut in shame. “Claudia…” Jared murmured, but she didn’t give him the chance to talk.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you, Master!”

Jared stumbled back for a second, her loud words making him tremble. At the beggining, he thought it was because he feared somebody could listen to them, but quickly realized it was something entirely diferent. What frightned him was the fact that voicing it had made it feel real.

And Jared couldn’t bring himself to fight away the memory. It had been last night, in his chamber, in the top of the tower. It was night, but still he was reading, Claudia leaning over his shoulder. He didn’t know what triggered the closeness, the laugher of both, the meeting of their eyes. He couldn’t clearly understand, but he remembered as clearly as it was possible to remember a memory, her beautiful smile really close to his face, her light skin iluminated by the tender and flickering light of the fake candles, her eyes shining with a foreign and meanwhile known anticipation. Claudia’s face lowering towards himself, her soft and cherry tasting lips meeting his.

Jared gulped as the scene replayed in his mind, as it had the whole night. It was a pleasant memory, Claudia’s always were, and yet he felt disgusting for thinking so.

“I feel ashamed of what I’ve done, and I swear I will never let that happen again as long as it’s not what you want! I am your faithful pupil and I oath I will never again do something to disapoint you that way! So… please…” Her eyes were big and pleading, her voice softened by emotions she couldn’t contain. “Please don’t leave me, Master. I’ll do whatever it takes but… don’t…. run away from me… I don’t know what I’ll do if you leave me!”

“Claudia.” He murmured, looking away. “It is… complicated…”

“You…” Claudia took a deep breath before speaking louder. “You don’t like me that way. Is that it, Master?”

Jared wanted to talk. He needed to. He was the tutor, the one who always had a kind advice, a friendly word. And now, for his own shame, he found no words to answer his dear student. There was no way he could put his confused mind into words. He was not only his tutor, he thought to himself. He was her protector, her friend and companion, and now, after so many years, he realized the deepness of his love for her was something diferent from it all. He didn’t love her only as a dear student. Not as a father, nor as a brother. It was something entirely diferent, wich he had been oblivious to his whole life. Something that hit him hard the moment Claudia touch his lips with hers last night. It had been like a whole ocean crashing over him and breaking all of his bones and dulling all of his senses. After the momentary softness, kindness, eagerness and lust those lips awakened in his depths, there had been nothing but the heavy and bold reality of the atrucity he had commited. The guilt was devouring him, only for a night now, but more already than he had ever felt. He felt guilty not for kissing his pupil, but yes for actually _liking_ it, to the point of only the remembrance of the scene being driving him mad. And the worst part is that he knew too well that, would Claudia ever get as close, with similar intentions, he would not be able to refuse her.

“It is nothing like that.” Was all he could say out of the millions of things he wished to. Jared took a step forward, closing a bit the phisical distance between them.

“Then why?” Claudia asked, somehow between surprised and angered. “What other reason would there be for you to run?!”

“Claudia, I…”

“I meant everything!” She replies, still angry and energetic. “I meant every word, Master Jared!”

 _“I love you, Master…”_ she had whispered in his ear, before he ran away from the room last night.

“Claudia, you… You can’t.” He decided, feeling his heart shiver.

“Why do you say that?” She asked, seeming offended and hurt all the same.

“It… it is wrong, Claudia.” She would never imagine the effort Jared dared gather to spill out those phrases. “I am your teacher, your tutor. I am older than you, it is just… not possible.” For an instant, he was about to say “you are engaged”, but decided not to, for obvious reasons.

The girl seemed astonished. “What do you mean by that? What kind of excuses are those?!”

“They are not excuses, Claudia. They are the reality.”

“Well, you may be right in some points.” She agreed, taking a step forward in visible annoyance. “You are my tutor. But you are also my closest friend, Jared. You are the only person I truly care about. The only person I want to spend time with, to share moments with. I… I love you, Jared-”

“Claudia… Don’t go…. any further. Please.” He murmured, feeling tired and dizzy and wanting to lay down and sleep forever just for this moment of torture to end.

“I don’t mind.” Her voice seemed to be breaking down. “I don’t mind if you don’t love me the same way. I cannot change my feeling for you, but I can live with yours! Just please stay! Please don’t leave me! You promised you wouldn’t leave me!”

“I won’t.” He affirmed. “I would never…”

“Then come back with me.”

“Claudia… I can’t. I need some time. Some space. When I come back, I-”

“But why, Master, why?!”

He lost it. Just like that. The compusure he was trying so hard to mantain suddenly fell flat on the ground of reality. His eyes glowed in misery as he talked openly. “I can’t stay because… because I feel the same way, Claudia!”

The silence fell over them once more. Jared regreted what he said the same instante the words came out of his mouth, but it was too late, and he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore, drowned by the tension and pain of his own feelings.

“Y-You mean…”

“Yes. I mean it.” He said. “I mean that my whole world crumbled down when we kissed, because I have actually loved you this all time, without ever noticing. I mean I feel beyond happy to know that you love me like that as well, even though I’m being selfish and reckless. And I know that if I stay, I won’t be able to hold back. I won’t be able to say no or to keep my distance. I won’t be able to deny another kiss or anything else from you. And it's just... wrong.” He showed a smile, but it was a sad and tired one. “That is why I have to go. Because I can’t let something like this happen. I can’t let my egoism ruin you, Claudia.”

He waited. He didn’t know for what, but he waited. Maybe for an answer, a nod, a word of understanding, a shout of anger or repugnance. He would have accepted anything. But Claudia stood silent, as if absorded by the absurd confession she had just heard. That was also not like her; to lose her words in front of a tight situation. After long minutes, or maybe just slow seconds, Jared swallowed back the sorrow and smiled once again. A short, gloomy and yet truthful smile. “I have to go now. Goodbye, Claudia.”

He truned around, sore hand around the suitcase that he had been holding far too strongly. It was one of the most dificcult motions he had ever made. To turn his back on Claudia like that. He was a failure as a human being, but he was doing what he had to.

He didn’t hear the footsteps over the grass, maybe overdued by the soft breeze. He only felt arms closing around his waist with incredible power, a head crashing into his back, forcing him to stop in his place, almost stumbling forward by the force of the embrace and the surprise that took over him. He stood there, not sure of what to do or say.

“Don’t.”Claudia murmured and, for a second, Jared believed she had turned into a child once again. Before he could answer, she breathed into his back. “Don’t you say it’s wrong.”

He needed to turn around. He did so and grabbed her shoulders tenderly, afraid he would soon lose control of himself, more than he had already. The girl stared into his eyes and Jared realized she was on the verge of crying. “It can’t be wrong.”She went on. “Not the way I feel about you. It can’t be a mistake. It is probably the only true thing I’ve ever known. In this world of lies we are undeniably wraped in, my love for you is the only thing that is entirely real.” She held onto his vest, in desperate need not to let go. “Please… Don’t push this truth away. Not if we share that truth.”

She was close. Too close. She was close enough to make the Sapient forget the world, and yet he decided not to. He knew she was right. All she had said had been nothing but the truth for him as well. Claudia was indeed his only reality. Her and the starts that shined in the night skies were similar in many points: too distant to ever touch them, and yet there, since ever, now and always. Forever.

Claudia hugged him violently, wrapping her strong arms around the delicate figure of her Master. She rested her head on his shoulder, not caring if he would be unconfortable. Not caring that he could push her away at any moment.

He should. He should’ve pushed her away and kept his distance, as he decided to since the beggining. But he didn’t. Before he noticed, he had also wraped his arms around Claudia, hugging her with all of his might. There was a difference between them, Jared realized. Between Claudia and the stars. Because Claudia was there, under his touch, under his reach, contradicting what he had always thought. She was so close it was sofucating, and yet freeing like anything else. She was as close as she had always been, he realized, but only now he could measure the real importance of that closeness. And, as he held her close, as he softly stroke her beautiful curls his long fingers, as he felt the warmth of her body against his, Jared questioned the world. That wasn’t wrong. That _couldn’t_ be wrong. Not her touch, not her sweet scent, not her tender voice, not her pretty smile, not her funny inteliggence, not her courageous spirit, not her very essence that slipped between his fingers as the strains of her hair, so pure and soft and real. The only thing he could feel right now. He could only feel her. Only see her. She was the world to him, he understood. And, in that moment, he also came to the conclusion that he couldn’t escape his own world. Neither he wanted to.

“Stay, Master. Please.” Claudia begged, eyes closed against her beloved tutor.

Jared smiled to her. “I’ll stay. Always. I promise.”

They would regret. They would probably feel ashamed and eventually suffer in the future. But the only thing that mattered right now was each other, the lonely and lovely world they created where only themselves and their feelings existed. When Claudia looked up, they both smiled at each other, a smile like no other, fruit only of happiness and desire, and their lips met for the second time, this one intended, as soft as the first, as beautiful and magic as the first, but with a sweeter taste.

They separated after long seconds. Claudia giggled in childish happiness as Jared cupped her cheek and rested his forehead against hers. Feeling her warm breath on his face, eyes closed, Jared murmured to her. “I love you, Claudia.”

And the world was perfect.


End file.
